part of accepting love for me also requires accepting grief, dissolution. my pets will die, my friends may drift from me, lovers may have a change of heart. none of it makes the love in vain. part of accepting love is accepting movement. but love is mostly letting myself get lost in the moment, i am learning. letting myself be fully alive in the now. i dont always need to think that far ahead all the time. the potential exists now.
[The Anthropocene Reviewed, John Green // Mrs Sigrid Ring standing at a stone balustrade, Laurits Andersen Rin // Against the Kitchen Floor, Will Wood // Perfect Magazine, 2022, Ph. Zhong Lin // Letters to Milena, Franz Kafka // Mr Shwartz, Arctic Monkeys // The lamp (my bed reflected in the mirror), Ramón Gaya]
once you understand that a vibrator is an accessibility tool, your understanding of disabled issues and of the world really widens
most people only think of accessibility tools in a barebones kind of way. a ramp is needed to physically enter spaces, a cane is needed so i don’t fall over while standing, captions are needed to literally be able to understand words being spoken.
some people go a little farther and understand them in terms of daily life functions, like adaptive clothing, or pre-cut food. still, these things are only seen as needing access tools because they’re baseline human functions. eating. walking. wearing clothes.
my vibrator is an access tool. because of my conditions, i can’t hold my hand where it needs to be long enough to masturbate. masturbating isn’t a necessary human function. i will not die if i don’t do it. i won’t lose my job if i don’t do it.
but the thing about a vibrator, is that it makes an aspect of life that i want to enjoy possible. disabled access is not only about the barebones basic necessities to literally be alive. if someone wants to have orgasms, a vibrator is an important tool to a pleasurable life. food delivery makes eating delicious food possible. sensory friendly live performances makes enjoying theatre and music possible. shower seats mean people can sit and enjoy a long shower that otherwise would have exhausted them. service dogs let people go out with their friends when they wouldn’t have otherwise. my cane doesn’t just help me walk, it helps me keep balance while i’m dancing at the club.
disabled people deserve so much more than to just get by. we deserve to have full, pleasurable lives, to experience all the kinds of things that able-bodied people get to experience too. access tools are meant to help us not only survive, but to really thrive too
This could be a life, he finds himself thinking. It could be as simple as this. No family, no job, just a few simple pleasures and clean sheets to fall into at the end of the day… A life of solitude could be a very pleasant thing.
Emily St. John Mandel, Sea of Tranquility: A Novel (Knopf, April 5, 2022) (via dk-thrive)
hi! how are you doing? excuse me if i bother you and please feel free to ignore this message if in any way bothers you. it has got a chunk of my courage to gather but i have seen you around, being very kind with people and, giving advice to those that deal with anxiety, as i myself do.
i see a lot of people struggle with feeling productive themselves, mostly when studlybur is what we are talking about.
my problem nonetheless is different.
i am not at all productive. some days, i barely leave the bed. i feel depressed. i have been fortunate enough to have loving parents but so ungrateful to them, i have never given them anything in return, more than my love for them.. and i fear it reaches them so poorly even.
i don't know whether is it that i have a strong case of OCD or i am downright pathetic, coward and germophobe which causes me to have a panic attack every time somebody is near in case they would touch me, i feel so sad i cannot even hug my parents.
i wish, with all my heart, i was a little bit like you... i admire you so much. your blog is not goals aesthetic to me, it's more like you are an inspiration to me, to the kid i used to be and once in a while when i bump into your posts, i feel an utter joy and try to push myself a little forward.. although i am bound to fail at the end of the day, i will try again tomorrow.
i really appreciate your work. thank you so much for everything.
hello you! i hope you are doing alright today! thank you for messaging me, it takes a lot to be so open and vulnerable with a random idiot (me) on the internet.
not gonna lie answering to this ask is hard because it hits close to home
you cannot always cross a river in one jump, sometimes you have to look for stepping stones. having to live with depression means having to deal with a lot of destructive habits, such as catastrophic thinking, thats why giving yourself these stepping stones is so so important. even if the process is slow, you are in the middle of it and even if it is taking a while you will get there. it sounds pathetic and pretentious but believing something will be achieved slowly but surely is a lot better than believing it wont be achieved at all. but does the slower pace make it less worth? or does it make you pathetic or a coward? fuck no. and if someone tells you that you will send me their address and ill come for their kneecaps. there is NEVER shame in having to deal with these things. is it unfair and does it suck to have it harder than others to achieve the same thing? fuck yes but that does not make you a coward. same as asking for help and relying on others does not make you weak. i have some incredible friends and if it wasnt for them i dont think id be around anymore and i too sometimes feel like i just take and take but never give back. but friendships are not about being ‘even’. same as your parents: they dont do this because they expect you to pay them back. you see there are ALWAYS people who will love you even when your brain tells you that they dont or that you dont 'repay’ them for their effort, and these people will listen and be there for you when you need help. there is absolutely no shame in feeling you need that help. vulnerability does not equal weakness.
